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Branding the Bronx Zoo Cobra

One of many brainstorming sketches w/ the cobra in mind

If you haven’t heard yet, there’s an Egyptian cobra that has been missing from the Bronx Zoo since Friday, March 25. They can’t find it.

However, the cobra has turned up on Twitter. As of today at noon EST, it has close to 200,000 followers at @BronxZoosCobra

Brilliant!

This is a cobra from the Land of the Pharaohs and obviously of higher intelligence. I’m in awe. At first I wasn’t but now I am.

Here are some musings as to why:

The first time I saw the cobra was in Tijuana, outside an upholstery shop. She had been drinking all night with a bunch of us when she got into a hissing spat with a zebra painted burro and a surfer dude from San Diego State wearing an SD Aztecs t-shirt. We had to break things up and scatter before the cops got there. That’s the last time I saw that pinche cobra peleonera. Who by the way still owes me $20.

Now, have you ever known a cobra to do all that?

I have a message for this cobra…come back! Please!

I’d like to talk about building your Cobra brand. Let us develop an identity and positioning for you, let me help with your entire image and packaging. Let’s go after the Latino market! You’re a natural fit as a multicultural entity. The Village Voice has said you’re the new Ed Hardy. We can do better than that.

You’ll be bigger than Quetzalcoatl ever was! You’ve got the social media buzz and a great cult following so far! Our Aztec ancestors worshiped that feathered serpent, and he never had any of that. You do.

I’ll go with you to the Luxor Pyramid in Vegas, plenty of feathered headdresses and boas to be found, and get you on Don Francisco’s show, along with Cristina’s stage as well.

For old school Lucha Libre fans, we’ll have you take on El Santo (okay, El Hijo del Santo), in 3-D and bill it as SANTO vs LA COBRA DEL BRONX ZOO.

We’ll package and brand Cobra energy drinks, cereal, tequila and a chingon clothing line. You’ll have your own reality show.

I want to spearhead your branding.

Come back, little Cobra!

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